Who wants to be right as rain/It's better when something is wrong

 BARCELONA 2019 UNEDITED PHOTO DUMP 

Chapter 1

Honestly not what i signed up for but thank you for being there for me and i am ready to take on this rollercoaster ride

x

1am thoughts

I'm sorry I always try to be a better version of myself for you but certain thoughts trigger what could happen and what might happen if I don't ask why. I know I am irritating, a roadblock to your happiness and bring nothing but misery into your life. I'm sorry I can't make you happy but believe me when I say I support you in everything you do, always have been. So it hurts a little to hear you say those words.

Should I let you go?
Maybe I should.
Give me time, I will leave quietly.

“Dignity
/ˈdignitē/ noun

1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache. 

2. The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes.

3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.

4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter. 

5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.

6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it. 

7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don't want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.

8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.

9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.

10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

10 years of me

Since it's the first few hours of my birthday, I decided to do a post for myself. A decade of selfies coming through.........and something I would've wanted to say to my past self.

Beware that some photos may look nasty. Its 4am and I'm way too tired to edit any photos.
So heeeeere weeeee go

2005

Age:14

(looking awesome without makeup)

Wouldn't have said much to me at that time, although probably I shouldn't have played so much NEOPETS and MAPLE and wasting a ton of time instead of acquiring a talent of some sort. All I can say is, you are who you needed to be at 14. Life was simple.

2006

Age:15

2006 was a hella frustrating puberty rage filled year. Wouldn't have done anything different. I met amazing friends, papa was with me, and life was pretty much going to school and trying to sneak out and meet my friends. Would've told myself to not try to fit in so much though. I was pretty okay being myself.

2007

Age:16

I was a pretty childish 16 year old. Shouldn't have wasted so many hours with JAPANESE DRAMAS AND JPOP. But i admired my guts and spontaneousness back then. From asking random people to take photos to randomly shouting and screaming in public without a care in the world. I was TOO young and TOO HAPPY to give a shit.

2008

Age:17

Wasn't any different from 2007. Still one heck of a crazy person running around like some mad dog without a care in the world. My passion for photography and art was so strong back then. Something i would like to get back.

2009

Age:18

Still a crazy person back then. Nobody told be boys won't like you if you're gross and unglam and all. Attempted to be a japanese boy but failed miserably. HAHA. I had more freedom at that point, so i had lots of fun EXPLORING different places, SLEEPOVERS........and all the awesome IJ things we used to do. Wouldn't have changed anything either.

2010

Age:19

The year I actually started to bother about my appearance. From makeup to fashion.......(do not judge the photo above I WAS EXPERIMENTING) Got a taste of the working world which was a total eye opener, wasted my days watching KPOP instead of actually studying for my O levels. Oh well, but that turned out okay in the end anyway. Would've been better if i actually studied harder........i guess.

2011

Age: 20

Oh yes this year was a memorable one. Lots of experimenting, exploring, experiencing WHAT NOT. I had a ball of a time, and I wouldn't have changed what happened at all. I learnt, i got hurt, and i became stronger. Although alot of my innocence disappeared in the process and I became more cynical, I guess it's just part of growing up. Maybe i should've studied A LIL bit harder and prioritized what was more important. But i guess I wouldn't have known then.

2012

Age: 21

Although i was already 21, I still had so much to learn. I should've been less selfish, should've cared more about people and should've thought twice about doing things. Although i lost a few people in the process, I did learn to become a better person. Would've been better if i was a lil happier that year. Wasted too much time being depressed.

2013

Age: 22

Seriously I was 22 in that photo?! 2013 couldn't have been better. I finally found my calling, what i wanted to do in the future. Met so many amazing people that I can proudly say are still close to me to this very day. Although at that point in time there were a couple of things that made me wanna give up on life, I'm glad I had friends who stood by me when I needed them.

2014

Age: 23

2014 was a tough year, I felt lost and uncertain most of the time. I didn't know what I wanted to do, I spent alot of time bumming around, wasting my money redundant things. If i only could turn back time and tell myself what I should do STEP by STEP.......oh well

Finally 2015. It's december SO TECHNICALLY IVE A YEAR TO BE 24 OK.

All I can say is, I hope things get better, I hope I'll finally find happiness, and always strive to be a better me. :)