Note to self : do not depend on anyone. Ever.

Because I know everyone will leave. Eventually.

Ij dream

I had a dream just now. I met Rae in the train, we were both wearing our IJ blues and heading to zouk (HAHAWTF IKR). Then we decided to alight at tiong and cab to zouk. We saw pui on the train that passed and we started knocking on the windows and surprisingly it stopped. Then pui went like ' FATMAIDDDD' and called me a brown monkey :(. She was wearing rhe ij blue too. we somehow ended up in STC (the old building before renovation). Which was only right since we were all wearing IJ blues. Then Na & Tara came. I asked Tara to follow me to the canteen cos I had my eyes on the old Indian stall's wonderful chicken. Tara, being random, asked mr Wang, "is there wifi in the canteen". Mr Wang said, "no". Then she replied, "then I guess we can't stay here much longer".

I don't know why but the last thing she said in my dream sent shivers down my spine. It's like telling me, we can't stay in STC forever, those wonderful memories we have there, will soon be forgotten. I don't want that to happen ;( IJ friends are friends for life. Sigh another one of those I-miss-STC-and-my-girlfriends days.

Tata!

I hate it
I hate feeling so bitter and crying for nothing

I fucking hate it

I hate my temper
I hate my bloody insecurities
I hate how I can't fucking sleep whenever you're out late and not even replying me or at least tell me you're busy.

Sometimes I really just feel like breaking my phone.so I won't have to keep checking it every 5 minutes.

Life's too short.

This photo was taken way back in sem1, with all the girls in my class. Yes, there were only 7 of us in G2. And unfortunately, god had another plans for syahirah (second from the left), leaving G2 with 6 girls.

Although i wasn't really close to her, and in fact i wasnt nice to her all the time, it was really sad to see her go. After visiting her in the hospital while she was in a coma, i thought, no, shes still young.. She'll wake up. She'll be strong and conquer the brain tumor surgery she just went through.

But i guess life is too short, and she left us. I received a text from daniel on hari raya haji, telling me she has passed on. I was and am still shocked about everything. It happened so fast, its like it was just yesterday, we were playing alarm clock sounds on her ear, waking her up, and calling her voldemort, eating macs with her and the rest of the girls. I admit, i wasnt nice to her at all, and i do regret that. I wanted her to wake up so i could make it up to her and be a better friend all over again. The time we spent together was way too short.

RIP my friend syahirah. Till we meet again. Someday. I hope we can be better friends. If only i knew you were in pain all those times. I'm sorry. I hope you're happy, beautiful, and at peace with god in heaven. Goodbye. ♥